the temptation to quit

Everyday, my mind goes through an endless cycle. It starts with me considering quitting this blog because its too much knowing that people from my school know about and have access to it. Then I start thinking about how I have to be stronger, and how if this brings me joy, I should keep going? And my mind flips between the two polar opposites constantly. Until just now.

But before I explain, I want to give a brief history and explanation to how this blog even came to be.

It started one afternoon, someday after Christmas and before New Years. I was extremely bored, and started thinking and became curious to see if there were any teen bloggers. And that is when I stumbled across Hideaway Girl’s blog. I read many of her posts before I decided to start my own site.

I originally made it with a wix site, but quickly discovered that it was very hard for people to find. And so I went back to Hideaway Girl’s blog, where I saw at the bottom that it was made through WordPress. Which led me to this site. And here I am.

After a while I told a few people about it. Some from my old school, and some from my current school.

When I first started, I posted a lot. Basically on a daily basis, about everything and anything. Recently, I haven’t been posting so much. I guess I’ve just made other priorities.

With the knowledge of people I know reading this, comes a whole new pressure. But I’ve discovered that people are going to make judgment on you no matter what you do. Whether I have this online presence or not.

Anyway, now for the part where I decided to not give a shit.

There is this website thing that is flying around the school. It’s essentially where you make an account and get the link, put it on your snapchat story and people can make anonymous comments on it. And you can see what they say.

I signed up for this, and originally all the comments were all nice and sweet. It disappeared from my story after the 24-hour mark, and the next day I decided to do it again, except this time I asked people to be honest.

And thats exactly what I got.

Again, most of the comments were quite sweet, and then there was one comment that stood out from the rest. Someone had said “walk properly”. And this hit somewhere deep inside me because I am well aware that I have a limp, and I have done everything I can for the last twelve years to make it as unnoticeable as possible.

As you can see I was hurt by this comment, and I messaged my friend, Danika, and told her about how it had upset me. She responded by saying that my walk is fine and that I should post it on my story and ask for them to respond so that I can explain. And thats what I planned on doing. But before I got to that I told her about how this one girl had screenshot my story twice now. And Danika told me that when people screenshot their comment, it still tells me they screenshot my story. Which led me to think that this person might have left the comment.

I ended up putting the post on my story where I ask for whoever sent the message to respond and didn’t get one. At least not from them. What I did get was quite a few messages from friends telling me that whoever said that was an asshole.

But what I learnt from this is the important thing here. I realised that that comment no longer mattered to me. And who said that was no longer important. Because what I realised is that people are going to have negative opinions of you no matter what. Whether I have this blog, or have no social media, people are still going to talk shit about you. And that comment started to sting a lot less as I realised all this. And I know that whoever said such comment knew nothing. And if they didn’t actually want to know WHY I have a limp, then they were just saying it to piss me off. And maybe, by posting this, I’m giving them the satisfaction of knowing it got to me, but I don’t see this post as being about that. I see this post as being about ME realising that comments like that don’t mean anything because they aren’t worth my time. Which sounds really cliché, but I feel like people really do need to remember that more.

Anyway, that is the really long explanation as to why I will be keeping this blog, and hopefully for a very long time. Because I have now learnt to look past the negative comments and opinions. And no one (unless you have a blog yourself) can know what it is like to be a part of this huge community. It’s like nothing I’ve ever known before. And thanks to everyone that has left me nice comments, whether that be here, on my Instagram, or even on that anonymous comment site.

talk later,

Indy xx

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10 thoughts on “the temptation to quit

    • theiridescentworldofindy says:

      Aww! Thank you! I really do try and remember that high school is only a short phase of your life and in the long run the people’s opinions of you won’t matter. But sometimes it all feels too much and you think that everyone thinks you’re weird and I get this feeling, like one day I’ll wake up and go to school and everyone will have turned on me, and I’ll have no friends. Of course I know thats not true, its just an irrational fear that seems all too rational sometimes.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. indiesonglyrics says:

    We have the same comment thing going around at our school : ( I’m really sorry to hear about what happened, that person sounds like s real dick! I know how you feel because I take literally every little thing to heart and I’ll get stuck on it for ages. Stay strong girl, we’re here for you 💗

    Like

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