Everyone knows. Or they will soon.
I’m not mad or upset or infuriated. Just overwhelmed and scared.
People from my school have found this blog. Have found everything. I treated this website like my little journal; where I could talk about whatever I wanted whenever. It was safe. I posted about a number of personal things that I wouldn’t want anyone I know in person to read.
I shouldn’t be surprised that this has been found. It’s happened to others, so why wouldn’t it happen to me.
But I can’t keep using this website knowing that people – everyone – from my school has access to my thoughts.
The one thing I really want to know is how did this happen? Did that one person I told so long ago (who told her friends) spread it around? Is that how it happened? Or was it an accident of someone from my school stumbling across it? And how did they know it was me?
Either way this website is spreading. But I never intended for my private thoughts to be read by all the people I know in my everyday life.
I had this fantasy that because I’m a nobody at my school that even if people found this, no one would care. No one would care about this because no one cares about what I do. And thats how I like it.
This blog was my favourite thing. It was good for me. I loved it. And it feels like such a waste when you think about how 172 posts, 168 followers, and six months are now gone. But its not gone. Its open to my eyes only. The way it should have been from the beginning.
Maybe this blog caused more trouble than it was worth, but it doesn’t matter because I’ve learnt a lot from it. I learnt a lot of things that I wouldn’t have otherwise, and I’m grateful for that.
So, yeah, this is goodbye. I’m taking my thoughts off the internet. And you can spread this one post around the school or whatever, this blog will always be out there, in a way. You can even ask me about it, I won’t deny the existence of this blog. Because its right here. And I’m owning it.
I don’t know if its my fault that people found out, or if its her fault, or if it was just an accident. I just hope I found out before too much of me was read about.
EDIT: I’m not deleting this blog, but I was really close to it.